Sometimes my lips are chapped. Sometimes I don’t shave for days at a time. Sometimes my legs are furry and other bits resemble a jungle. Sometimes I’m on my period. Sometimes I’m wearing my ‘period’ underwear or I’m wearing a light days pad. Sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Sometimes I’m just not interested. Too much information? I would have thought so, but in reality it’s not enough. All of this to me is normal. It’s something I automatically take into account and am aware of. So, why am I telling you this?
A couple days ago, not for the first time (not even close to it), I found myself trying to explain the difference in sex for some men and for some women when it comes to prep (grooming, cleaning, making yourself feel nice). No matter how hard I tried to explain, this guy just couldn’t grasp what I was saying. And that irritated me, and it confused me. He kept talking about foreplay (which is important), but wasn’t the point or even the topic. I kept clarifying, and he kept misunderstanding. He then proceeded to present me with a very uncomfortable and awkward proposition, which proved he really had not listened to anything I’d been saying. It wasn’t the last time he asked me, either.
It was extraordinarily frustrating, and it got me thinking about several things that have been floating around in my mind for awhile now. Is the concept that women have body hair so obscene that some men have blocked it from their minds? To those men, is it an impossible concept that they can’t even begin to fathom? Do they only remember periods when women happen to be in a not so good mood and they can make an ill thought out joke? Do they think they’re irresistible and everyone wants a piece? I’m starting to think a good many of them do.
I’m not entirely sure where these notions are gotten from, but I’m going to start with the lack of body hair. The majority of straight men aren’t going to read romance novels, in which the woman is almost always groomed however she wants to be and never uses the bathroom. So, where is this notion coming from? TV? Film? (Fun fact: these are works of fiction and not entirely realistic) I don’t think it really matters where it’s coming from, though. It just matters that it’s a thing at all. Then there’s the period: You can make a million stupid jokes about it, but you can’t figure out that someone might be on it? And by God, why is it so unbelievable that she just wants a chat? Or that she’s not interested? Surely this isn’t the first time a rejection has occurred. Which, once she says no to whatever offer you’ve laid out on the table, you really need to accept no as the answer and let it go. You just look like a jackass by pushing. Which brings me to my second point.
Women are tired of having to explain. We are so, so tired of it. Some of us groom, and some of us don’t. Some of us like to have lazy chunks of time where we do very little upkeep. Some of us aren’t feeling in the mood. Some of us don’t like you. Some of us aren’t interested in the opposite sex. Some of us are very tired of being harassed for needing time to get ready or for saying no. Newsflash: we’re not doing any of it for you. We’re doing it to make ourselves comfortable in whatever way accomplishes that. If you can’t wrap your head around the idea of your potential partner needing to be comfortable to have sex with you, then you probably shouldn’t be trying to have sex with them.
Women are human beings. They’ve got body hair and functions, and feelings and opinions. Chances are she’s not ‘teasing’ if she’s trying to say no, or blow you off, or giving you a maybe, or trying to reschedule. Chances are she is trying to back herself out of an uncomfortable situation. Respect that. In the end it doesn’t matter what the reason for her no is, but the way in which you handle it will speak quite loudly.